Have you ever been in a place in life where nothing really made sense but it was still functioning? Like, everyone around you understood what you were doing or they celebrated your hard work, all the while you were lost? That’s me. I’m at a cross between really proud of myself and really disappointed in myself.
Well, this morning I was finally honest, I looked in the mirror and I vocalized every pain I’ve felt in the last ninety days. I vocalized them and I acknowledged exactly how the made me feel ... but then I did something that would only empower me going forward. And I want to share the three things I did that I feel serve me instead of destroying me further.
1. I owned my emotions:
When I woke up this morning I had a lot of emotions and thoughts about what I had and haven’t accomplished. I had thoughts of why I wasn’t fully prepared to continue certain projects and other works I have going on - I literally was being my worst best friend. So while these emotions and critiques were taking place I reinforced to myself a single note “I am a work in progress - progress!!!“ this statement reminds me that nothing is perfected until you’ve worked at it long enough, and even then you still have to work at it because perfection is defined by one's own self.
So if you’re having this same internal conversation, just remember you’re not perfect and never will be - and all you have to do is take it one day at a time, one step at a time. A big part of getting close to perfection is consistency - forward motion keeps you moving.
2. I made a decision to let go:
I think its a natural reaction or instinct for us as people to hold on to experiences such as people or jobs or things in general that don't really matter anymore... There were a few things that I've experienced in my life that I've held on to and not really actively tried to get over them or get rid of - I kept them, and I think I actively kept them for a reminder or what I thought was motivation. It wasn't till I found myself using them to talk me out of something that I decided it was time to let it go.
I took inventory of those things that I constantly think about that may have been negative experiences - breakups, failures, jobs I never got, a comment from a friend or family member, whatever that took away from me, I made note of it. I wrote these things down with a pen and paper because I like to physically see what my subconscious sees. I wrote them down, I acknowledged their purpose, and then I dismissed them - I literally trashed them and with them went the feelings of inadequacy. I currently understand that old experiences, hearsay, peoples opinions, don't weigh anything present day.
3. Correcting certain behaviors instantly:
Ever find yourself doing something repeatedly and one day you ask yourself, why? That's my moment. That's my now moment - I realized ... or ... I realize that constantly replaying something that negatively impacted how I saw myself wasn't or isn't serving me or the version of me that I see. I now see the lack in holding on to the negative words pushed on me by others, or even simply allowing myself to dim my shine because I felt like I had no right to be happy or successful or what have you. These behaviors have always hindered me, and I'm sure they hinder you as well, if you take a second to actually look at them, then you'll notice the many times you've lost sleep or stayed in because these thoughts held you captive. So, what do you do with these things? What do you do to free yourself? I won't pretend to have the sure fire way to do so, but in my own experiences, here's my attempt to share with you.
The moment I find myself replaying moments in my life that I'm by no means proud of, I stop ... I stop and literally laugh because I've been told that pretending to laugh or smile for longer than five seconds actually sends positive endorphins throughout the body to actually produce positive feels. So I laugh, and if you need a why ... well because I have to laugh at my own shortcoming and when I do, I make space for the opportunity to realize that moment that I see as horrific ... doesn't exist an more ... It holds no value at all, therefore, I have no need for it and I remind myself that I'm okay after that happened and now I'm focused on the moment in front of me.
When ever I find myself trying to get work done and if any of you readers know me, you know I run a management company (iA Management LLC), an online store (est517online.com), and podcast (Noah Online The Podcast: let's Talk About It) and when I sit to work on any of these projects, for some damn reason, eveyrthing is a challenge; sitting to down to focus, reading, notes, organizing, emotions, time management - it all begins to weigh heavy on me, but more so than anything - my insecurities take hold of me: How dare I try to be a mogul, who am I to host a podcast, who's going to buy from me, who wants to work me, I'm failing. I'M FAILING. I'M FUCKING IT UP. I'm wasting money and time.
And then I cry, and not that I cry every day, but I cry at a moment where I can't talk myself off the cliff ... but then I do.
What I most love about who I am, is my ability to pray and cry. Two very cleansing processes. And when these things happen, I'm left with these two, tears and words - both of which I embrace and I ask you to do the same - embrace your tears because in moments of feeling overwhelmed or less empowered, or angry, tears provide release, they cleanse, they anchor us, they encourage us.
These may seem to be counterproductive, but whats amazing about this is "embrace" - the understanding that these feelings are real, even if the message isn't real.
Your ability to be honest and purposeful in your growth allows you, allows me to combat negative energy - yes I may "feel" this way at this moment ... But my truth is that I'm capable of anything I work hard for. Why would someone want to listen to me? Because I've learned a lot on my personal journey and sharing it will help someone else. Why would someone shop at my store? Shit, because I'm fly and I love helping people look and feel beautiful.
I've learned to have an answer for every shady question my insecurity has for me.
I challenge you to "serve two yeses for every no" sent your way.